I’ve been doing a pilates program ( The Balanced Life) regularly since the end of October. The last weekend of February, I felt a weird sensation near the left side of my chest wall and underarm area. It just wasn’t right. So I felt around, and sure enough, something was there. Or was it? Is that a rib? It could be a rib. Maybe it’s a rib. Nope. Not a rib. So, I called Monday, 2/28 and had diagnostic testing scheduled for March 7.
I had been through something like this before, for my 40th birthday. I discovered a lump then, and my first mammogram was followed immediately by a needle/core biopsy. That turned out to be a fibroadenoma, and given my history of uterine fibroids, this wasn’t terribly surprising.
The screening doctor thought this was probably the same thing. I had a gut feeling that it wasn’t.
March 7 involved mammogram, ultrasound, 2 core samples taken from the suspicious area, and an ice pack in my bra. March 8 involved me parsing results in my electronic health record, then a call from the screening doc. Invasive ductal carcinoma. And next steps begin.
It is hokey, and you may not believe it or believe I believe it, but I am beyond blessed. *I* found the lump–3 months before my regular mammogram. We have health insurance and can afford my treatment (though I do anticipate high costs and surprises, because, hey, America). I am already surrounded by loved ones supporting me as I begin this journey. I have complete faith that will continue to be the case, as more of you find out what is going on. Loved ones, you move and humble me. Your love and care mystify and overwhelm me. I will never, ever, be able to thank you enough. God created me with a strong mind and a strong will (often to the chagrin of those around me). I am well-equipped to go through this. God is good. All the time.
This is not to say that I don’t occasionally freak out. I do. I think all kinds of crazy things (see future posts, I'm sure). And sleep has been even more challenging than usual, but I am so very, very aware of how much worse things could be.
In the past, some have implied that I overshare when it comes to my “personal business.” Well, buckle up folks, because I told (poor) Alfred that the way I’m going to face cancer is radical transparency (and a questionable sense of humor). It feels right for me. I cannot carry the burden of silence (in anything, I suppose 😁). Most of my life, I’ve made sense of hardship by learning from it myself and using it to inform/educate others. I’m posting now because I’m ready for it all to be out there. Please, be comfortable talking to me about it. Ask questions. And if I need a break, I’ll tell you. There is still a lot I don’t know in terms of my diagnosis, and answers to those questions, in addition to being cared for by what I hope will be a kick-ass heathcare team, will drive my treatment plan. I’ll be learning a lot the next few months, and I’m taking you along for the ride with me.
If you’ve actually made it this far, thanks. :) Pray if you pray. Send good thoughts if that’s your thing. But most importantly, care about other humans and live your life that way. Be vigilant in your self-care. Listen to yourself and your body. Medical professionals are partners in your health, but you are in charge. <3
/firstinstallment
