Curveballs

I’m not yet comfortable with sharing the particulars, but I have made decisions regarding my surgical and reconstruction options.  I will share them at some point, just not yet.  

The almost-2-months since my diagnosis have involved a lot of evolution.  It’s probably true for everyone’s cancer journey:  just when I think I’m settled on a course of action, something happens that requires readjustment.  I’ve done a lot of adjusting since Feb 26 (when I discovered the lump).

There is a good deal to balance when you’ve received a health diagnosis, cancer or otherwise.  First, of course, is the primacy of life and health.  Any decisions I make about treatment need to minimize cancer and its risk and maximize my health and quality of life.  When you’ve minimized cancer, lots of other factors come into the notion of quality of life–self-image; self-esteem; personal values, lifestyle, etc.  Sometimes, those secondary factors lead to surprising decisions.  Additionally, I am looking to make decisions that minimize the possibilities of the need for future surgeries down the road.  

Now that my decisions are firm, I’m ready to move forward.  Immediately! 😁 But the bureaucracy of scheduling is forcing a delay.  I did not react well to this initially.  I supposed I’m entitled to that.  I’m a doer, and it feels like it’s been a long slog of 2 steps forward, 1.5 steps back, as I inch toward progress in managing this situation in which I find myself.

It’s also hard because I am such a planner, and I feel like my life is on hold as I figure out and try to get started with my treatment.  We canceled a DC trip we really didn’t need to.  We are in limbo about our scheduled cruise and trip to FL for August.  Will I be well enough to perform my June vocal recital?  And I can’t make plans at work because I don’t know when I’ll be going out on leave.  Ugh!  First-world problems, I know, but that is how I feel.

But I also continue to feel grateful, especially to all of you.  It may get repetitive.  I don’t have enough different ways to say it.  You have made a difference in my cancer journey.  Thank you.

I know the title of this post is “Curveball,” but I loved the dodgeball image so much I had to use it.  It captures my feelings pretty accurately.