Surgery #3

I thought it time for a cancer update, since there are some doings.

Because of close margins and atypical cells that we could not quite get rid of in my first 2 surgeries (May 26; June 3), I’m having a 3rd surgery in about a week.  My cancer is “vanilla,” but it appears my surgical history will be mocha-choca-latte.  

It was way easier to be “brave” for the first two.  Now, I know too much.  And I’m tired.

I know more about my surgical recovery, and while the May recovery was a breeze, the June recovery was far less so.  The actual surgery this time around will be more like June than May.  Here’s hoping the recovery won’t be, b/c I don’t have time for any more of this b.s!

I don’t have time for cancer, you know?  I’m far too busy to deal with surgical drains and limited arm/upper body use.  I do not want to miss my daughter’s cross country league championship (and maybe even sectionals, which are a week later).  

What may be the worst of all is my inability to carry out what I see as my day-to-day responsibilities, the simple things like household chores and going to work.  I feel like I’m not carrying my weight, and I HATE that.  It’s like house arrest.  Which is so very ironic, b/c there is nothing I like more than being at home.  Except I’m home and literally not allowed to do much of anything.  I guess it’s all about choice and control.  I don’t do well when those are taken from me.  I suppose none of us do, but I think I’m an extreme case.

Worries:

• I’m hoping my pre-surgery covid test comes back negative (unlike the last one).  It’s on Thursday.
• I have a confirmed history of pretty severe post-anesthesia nausea.  While that is better than post-anesthesia psychosis, it’s not a picnic.
• Pain management is a challenge in terms of those lovely little drains.  This partners well with nausea.
• And because there is going to be more tissue removal, I’ll have a couple of more pathology reports heading my way.  I think these will be reports 6 and 7, but I’ve kind of lost track at this point. 

I appreciate exactly how lucky I am.  Truly.  And I am grateful.  I’m grateful that my cancer is vanilla, so very, very grateful.  I’m grateful that I was led to a surgical team in which I have complete trust.  My experiences with medical professionals have been hit and miss at best, so I do not take a good medical team for granted, not at all.  I’m also so grateful for the communities I have built around myself.  There have been a few folks in my life who haven’t done so well with my diagnosis.  That is a reality I choose not to dwell upon, and it’s easy to focus on the positive because so many, many folks have been so very wonderful.  Thank you.

In closing, though, as lucky as I know I am, I’m also convinced that even vanilla cancer is no walk in the park, and I’m kinda tired of the surgical experience. xoxo